Updated: Apr 25
What is Self Possession? Control of your own behavior, self-command , will power , self-will , possession firmness of purpose... Self Confidence
I know I was thinking spirits possessing me too. I watch too many ghost shows. Have you been bombarded with self help these days? Every email. meme, post, commercial even, telling you to love yourself, be positive, be freakin' happy! We are surrounded with judgement about being judgey. We are the ones judging ourselves while judging others judging themselves. I think We live in circles of complicated nice
Step One: You Got This! Before you start with the sarcastic 'Thanks Amber, Really?' I am totally serious! Put it this way, you may have heard this inspirational phrase before, I have a sticker on my door that says it, but... What is the alternative to You got this? YUP, the opposite is that you don't got it. Take this step to tell yourself that you DO have this. You can handle it because you have to. The alternatives are worse than the fear, the anxiety, the loneliness. The alternative is you losing yourself because you did not 'Got' (get) this.
When my mom became ill, I asked how I could possibly live without her? She only said three words, "You Just Do"
Morale of that story. I DID and I still DO The lessons of my past are now becoming just that, Lessons I 'GOT' This because my past, present and future are owned by me. The way I react to situations, what I do with my time, is all on me. *Learn from yourself (everything up until right this very moment is a well prepared lesson plan) *Look inside of you first, you are smarter than you think *You have the key to every situation, not to change what surrounds you but to react to the situation that is best for this lesson that is playing out.
Step Two: Practice being you' No one has actually died from embarrassment, at least not to my knowledge. We practice habits without knowing it. Repetition and exposure of the same thing makes us comfortable. Although sometimes our comfort is not always beneficial to our self confidence. Comfort Zones get a bad wrap, and they should, even if they sound all warm and fuzzy (I do like a soft cozy blanket though) Our zones trap us into our own little bubbles. Inside these bubbles we have a hard time growing. Self growth is a special part of our existence and a huge, influential part of what gives us confidence. When you want to do something new and something that challenges you to leave that comfortable state of being, it will take practice. You need to do it over and over again so that you make new comfortable states in your life. Be aware that fear and anxiety can bully you back into to the comfort zone.
Take this step to face the fear or whatever you think keeps you all cozy and deters you from being confident in yourself. Accept that practicing being you (the self possessed you) is an actually thing. It is a thing or state in your life that allows you to get good at something, to excel outside of the comfort zone. Once again, repeat this - No One Dies of Embarrassment or falling out of their comfort zone, although you might imagine that it is painful.
Years ago I was asked to speak in front of a large group of people. I was to talk about how successful I had been in my home business. My coach at the time, set it up despite my objections and constant whining. I was told that I could inspire others and it was important. Continuously telling my coach I would surely barf, his reaction was "I will stand up there with you and hold a bucket"
Morale of that story. I DID not barf or die. Practice because not all things are easy but most are worth it. *Perfection is a myth or a creature you will never see but still try to. *Only you can do something different and break the habit of surrounding yourself in comfort. *The one telling you CAN'T is you.
Step Three: No More 'What ifs' Have you ever wished you would have, could have or should have done something, but you feel the time has passed and you mourn the opportunity that could have been? What if? Regret is a trouble maker.😈 Regret is related to perceived opportunity. It arrives in your now but is over a decision or action of the past. Although we learn from our mistakes allowing them to follow us and make us feel sadness, loss of control and making us wonder if the past will repeat itself, deters us from full self possession. Wondering 'IF' stunts our growth. There is only one way to find out what will happen 'IF' we do something. DO IT Take this step to challenge yourself. Instead of asking "what if I do this" , you do it and tell the story. Learn from doing it and let others learn from you. Take any regret and feeling of loss about the missed opportunity or undesirable outcome; turn it into a valuable life lesson. Turn it into a positive tool for yourself and others.
I was the perfect punisher of past mistakes. Had it down to a science. Most of my regrets had to do with remembering embarrassing moments. Actions that I took in the past that made me doom. "If I would have just done this instead of that!" My self confidence waived because I was afraid that if I did it then, it could happen again. So...I lost self possession, my regrets of not being able to control how I felt in a situation gave me ample opportunity to stay in a comfort zone, for protection.
Morale of that story. I DID learn from my mistakes. What Ifs can be positive weapons to conquer doubt IF you turn them into actions instead. *Allow yourself to make mistakes. *Give yourself full license to cry. Grieve full throttle, over the big and small stuff. Get uncomfortable and explore good, bad and ugly feelings. Add them to your life lessons. *It is OKAY not to be OKAY and it is also OKAY to be OKAY.
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